I had to do it, really, I couldn’t stand it one second more and it was getting on my nerves. It’s all very good to show solidarity and suffer with the people, but I have my limits. This time back in Europe I got used to the advantages of an adult life and I can’t get back to primary school.

So I’ve decided that I am old enough to surf alone. The time has come for the bird to leave the nest. Time for Emancipation. And that’s exactly what I’ve done tonight. I paid the fee at Witopia to get their personal VPN service, and farewell old Nanny!

I still can’t believe how smooth it goes, yes, it is almost like Democracy!  If the old Fathers of Enlightment could see me now, how proud they would feel to know I have liberated the Republic of my Garden. Debate, free opinion, bikinis, exchange of ideas, charters, the new riches of Chinayouren.

No human language is powerful enough to describe the taste of freedom. Perhaps, the only line that gets even close to the sensation is this one I learnt on a Chinese park sign.

a blaze of multifarious colors from which countless fairy stories and sayings are handed down, thus forming a quiet, deep and precipitous dreamland.

I leave it here for all to ponder.

CLARIFICATION: I just come back to this post and realize that the above might sound cryptic for readers not acquainted with the Chinese internets. The whole post is about me breaking the chains of censorship and rejoicing in the new found freedom. I guess I got a bit carried away.

I did this by means of purchasing the services of a company called Witopia, which for 40$ a year provides a coded connection that can’t be blocked. There are other, free ways to do it, such as proxies, but all time consuming and annoying.

FYI, the internet censorship in China, AKA the Nanny, Net Nanny or the Great Firewall of China (GFW), with the collaboration of many online companies big and small (Google, Baidu, etc.) blocks all the sites with suspected “counter-revolutionary” content. There’s been a lot written about this on different blogs, one of the most complete and best written accounts is this one by James Fallows.

Finally Friday. It’s been an exhausting week and I feel like I need a little break. Sometimes I wonder why I ever took up Crisis Watch as a hobby. Other China blogs watch cool things like Scandal, or even Shoes. But Crises are an awful thing to watch, believe me. You watch it for a few hours and numbers swim before you eyes like a Gaggle of Geese.

Fortunately, we still have the Learn Chinese post of the week to do. So here we go. Today’s tip is sponsored by Chinese uber-teacher Fu Ting.

It is called: The Goose, the Goose, the Goose!

Anyone brought up in China will be familiar with this little poem, but surprisingly few foreigners know about it. It has a very interesting story that you can read in detail here. The poet Luo Binwang wrote it about 1400 years ago, when he was only 7 years old. It goes like this:

Now, the essential thing to remember is the Rising Tone of the Goose: 鹅. You have to pronounce it stretching your neck and pulling your head back, just like a Gandle would do if he caught you messing with his Goslings.

It is very important to master the gaggling technique before we can proceed. Practice in front of the mirror or go to the Bird and Flower Market in Shanghai and find a professional Goose to coach you. Beware: a slight mispronounciation of the Rising Tone can have you saying extreme things such as: Hungry (饿), or Disgusting (恶), or just plain Crocodile (鳄).

OK, now we are ready, here are the INSTRUCTIONS. The Goose Trick can be used for the following purposes:

1- If you want to see how your Chinese friends looked at age 7.

Have them recite the Goose. This is a poem that many generations of Chinese children have learnt by heart, memorized in that childish singing way. You will be surprised with the results. I got some spectacular performance from the old flower lady down the road, she got carried away. Didn’t work so well with the bicycle repair man.

2- If you want to sound cocky and in control of the situation.

For example, when you are stuck in the Shanghai Taxi Comic Dialogue:

- Dai wo qu YuYuanLu!
- WuYuanlu?
- YuYuanLu!
- YueYangLu?
- YuyuanLu!!!
- Huh Huh huh ??
- 鹅, 鹅, 鹅!! -> Qu xiang xiang tian ge…etc.

3- When you are in the wild and you encounter an aggressive Goose, the kind that would snap at your picnic sandwich before you have the time to open your electronic Dictionary and Thesaurus.

Final tips: In case your mandarin mental age is under 7, you probably can’t figure out the quackings of a 7 year old poet. Here you have some rather creative tranlations from Baidu. I especially like the last one, by a blogger called wangwuming. It comes with rhyme and all:

Quack Quack, merrily sings the goose,
Raising its head a tune from its mouth pours.
Bule water moors the white feathers,
Its red palms ply the waves as oars.

So that’s all for today. Have a nice weekend and happy gagglings!